Blogpost #8: Romantic Rejection

If you listen to emo songs, what does the vocalist was trying to say to us? He/she was trying to tell us he/she did some painful experience like break up relationships or being dumped by his/her partner. Breaking up relationships are the same as romantic rejection. What is romantic rejection? Romantic rejection is an interaction of heterosexual relationships are going to be seperated. This kind of pain is like someone punched you through the gut and it's inevitable to face the situationg of being rejected by a partner.

I remember that when I was in high school that I had a relationship with someone and we spent together happily in school. When summer began to start, our relationships between us were starting to fade until I broke up with her because she never spent time with me even I began to notice that she was avoiding me for being so clingy to her like I didn't give her too much space until she broke up with me. After being rejected by her, I began to get confused and uncontrollable on myself like I'm being possessed by the soul of depression. I know that I'm not the person who have experienced romantic rejected, there are also others who have experienced this pain.


After I began to notice that why this situation hurts too much. I read two articles about romantic rejection. The first article that I read is "Why the Pain of Romantic Rejection Feels Like a Punch in the Gut" by Alice Park. This article tells about the experimentation of Edward Smith that he had 40 participants to examine them each to put them through  functional MRI to measure their brain of what will happen to them when Smith showed their pictures of their exes and their good friends. The result of this experimentation is that their brain gets more pain when looking the picture of their exes than looking the picture of their close friends.

According to Smith which was in the article said that "I find it hard to believe that taking aspirin would really help much in true rejection. Even if you took aspirin and it helped, just thinking about the rejection experience would brint pain back, and it's hard to tell people not to think about painful emotional experiences like that."

He was trying to say that even if use any medicine such as aspirin to expare your feeling on pain, the pain will go back over and over.

The second article that I read is called  "Mental Illness and Romantic Rejection" by Kate Bingiorno. This topic tells about how people react when they fall in love with someone and how they feel when they got dumped, rejected or seperated. It tells also about that how she had experienced by his crush of being dumped in her adolescence life and how will she manage to adjust behavior on herself.

 According to Bingiorno, "Once you say something, it's in the records forever, and you don't just try again tomorrow. As a result, I had a habit of replaying that happened, and trying to find the alternative route."

She was trying to say that when do something wrong with your crush or relationships, the memory will never be erased even if you change the way your are it will still going to recollect your mistakes and it will possible that he/she will reject you. For example, you farted in front of your crush in school and he/she will get to start to turn off on you. Even if the time had passed, your crush will remember of what you did in front of him/her.

If you're having a hard time after breaking up with your partner. I suggest that you learn have to move on. I know that "moving on" is such a big word to us that every time people told us to move even though we can't here are my tips the ways of moving on:

1) Learn from your mistakes that you promise not to do it again so that if you have another partner with someone, you will know what to do next to him/her

2) If you have nothing else to do at home or school, try to do some activities like exercising to minimize your emotional stress or try to study hard to make you a better person.

3) If he/she wants to be with your again, try start as being friends. I know it's hard to forgive sometimes after you've been through with him/her. Being friends with him/her is like you learn his/her nature again until you know his/her true colors.

4)Try to hang out with your friends because they are the one who is going to make you happy.

5) If you still can't move on, try to help from your parents of how you feel because parents know best.

I think that's all I got the ways of moving on.

Blogpost #7:Peer Rejection

When you see a kid on the playground sitting along on the swing while others were playing in front of him/her, what is your opinion about the kid? he/she seems to be lonely and uncomfortable outside. The kid is experiencing the pain of "peer rejection". What is peer rejection? Peer rejetion is a social rejection occurs when an individual is delibrately exluded from a social relationship or social interaction for social rather than practical reasons.

I remember that there was this prom night when I was a senior high school student, I saw one of my schoolmate that he was alone sitting on the chair no one is sitting beside him and no is asking him for a dance. He was just sitting there having a long face. On my opinion about him is that he must be having a hard time socializing to someone or he was bullied when he was young. I felt sorry for the guy because of what people and I heard that the others told me that his behavior was really aggressive like he gets angry easily so that no one wants to be friendly to him and he's suffering from autism.


On this study, I read two articles about peer rejection. I read this article called "Consequence of Peer Rejection" by J.L Cook. The author wrote about how people behave after being rejected,bullied or ridiculed by others. Cook made an example that Charles Andrew Williams attempted to bring a gun in school and shoot his schoolmates in the washroom because he told to the teachers and securities that he can't take it anymore by being bullied and humiliated by others in school, so he killed two people and injured 11 people. However, the cops came they saw that he was kneeling and trying to kill himself but he ran out of bullet so the cops arrested him.

 According to Cook that "Peer rejection is a powerful force in adolescent life, especially when the person being rejected is also ridiculed, harassed, or bullied."

 He was trying to say that when a person who is experiencing peer rejection could possible can misbehave from the society and if the person is being bullied, harassed, or ridiculed can be the cause of misbehaving him/her.

When I heard that why people misbehave because of their childhood life. According to my research, I read this article called "Early Behavior Problems Cause Peer Rejection, Friendlessness And May Lead To Depression And Loneliness In Adolescence" by Andrea Browning. This article tells that kids beyond 6-12 age can possibly to experience peer rejection and getting the results of misbehavior,anxiety, depression or distress.

According to Browning that "Specifically, children who are rejected in elementary school are more likely to be lonely as adolescents, while children who lack friends in early grades -- a critical time for developement of close, reciprocal relationships -- are more likely to be lonely and depressed as teenagers."

She was trying to say that kids are now being depressed as teenagers because they the same situation of being rejected and bullied by others or he/she was being rejected by a teacher for giving him/her a lower grades.

When someone tries to bully you, instead of fighting back try to talk to him/her that what could be the reason why they bully you. Then if you find his/her reason, try to apologize if you did something wrong to him/her but if the bullying is irrational, try to ignore the situation and leave. If the bully beats you up, try not to fight back and after being beat up report to the authorities that you were bullied and beat up because fighting back is like you're making the problems bigger.

Bully are just so immature because they have experienced of being rejected so try to understand them because they just want to victim others to misbehave. When you get bullied try to think that you're better than him/her like study hard or make your own goals because the best revenge for the bully is to remain silent.

I remember the time that I got bullied from my classmate that I should give him my lunch money or else he'll defame me or embarassed me and I really got a huge pressure on him, but I came to the office and report the situation immediately and he was called from the office and got expelled on what he was doing to me. Four years later after I graduate in high school, I saw him on the street asking someone for some change and I really got my attention from him that he has no place to go for the future so I gave him my last coin and leave him behind.

The thing is when you get bullied or rejected, try to be wise on yourself because the more you put a pressure from rejection or bullying it will cause you misbehaviors and depression.

Blogpost #6 : Rejection Into Creativity

Did you know that when you got rejected by others, this will be a big chance for you to be more creative? how? On my observation, being rejected is like you failed on your final exams. When you fail on the first semester, it's possible that you can improve your grades. According to the psychology that when people got rejected, there could possibly that their brain gets active.

I remember the time that I wasn't able to speak with my blockmates because of being socially rejected and being judged through facebook. When I got this deep depression of mine, I wasn't able to hang out with them and enjoying my solitary like eating alone in the cafeteria or reading books alone in the library. When my professor told me that I should draw something of what is in my mind or how I feel today, I realized that I have full of thoughts inside my mind and I expressed it by my anger and depression then after I finished drawing, my blockmates saw my artwork (the picture on the right) and they appreciated it. I never felt so good after being appreciated by others because it was my first time that I was being appreciated by my artworks.

When I felt being appreciated by others, I was so curious that how did I become so creative after being rejected so I managed to read two articles through internet. The first article I read is called "People don't actually like creativity" by Jessica Olien. On the topic that I read, it tells that some other people will never appreciate creativity without being rejected because the one who will be rejected remains to be blinded by his/her ideas.

According to Jessica Olien that "Perhaps for some people, the pain of rejection is the pain of training for a marathon - training for endurance."

The author was trying to say that rejections are same as mistakes, you will experience it from the beginning but in the end you will overcome your mistakes by learning the right path. The author gave also an example that when a student got rejected by a teacher by his/her creativity, it means that the teacher was doing this for the student to make the right path by his/her creativity.


I read another article called "Rejection May Fuel Creativity" by Meggan Gannon.  This article tells that independent people are the one is who experienced rejection by the group. The author made also an experiment that there are 12 participants that they need to measure their uniqueness and if the others don't follow the instruction, they will be rejected. After the eperimentation, the researcher rejected few participants but the researcher made another experimentation that they need to draw an alien and so they did  and they got results that the participants were creative like drawing it them or use them as a word.

 According to Meggan,"...imaginative thinking in people who already have a strong sense of independence. "

It tells that independent people are very creative than by group because groups don't have the same imagination on their ideas while independent people have it's own creativity.

I remember the time that my professor announced that we have to make a group projects, I experienced that everyone has a group except for me and I was really felt bad that it's either they're already full for the group or no one really wants me. I decided that I told to my professor that I'm going to have an individual project and he allowed me to make individual project.

When I started to make a project, I think it's better to be individual because no one will interfere your creativity or no one will disagree your work and after I finished all my works, my professor was impressed that I did all my own and he gave me an extra grade for being so creative and independent.

The thing of what I'm sharing about what I experienced of making an individual project is that when people rejects you from the group, this will be your only chance to be inspired by others who also experienced rejection and make your own ideas that no one will disagree your ideas.

It's true that you need a group for survival on your life but being with the group can be sometimes are being dependent with each other. Lastly, all you have to do is to believe in yourself that no one will reject your creativity if you have hopes on yourself because if you don't have hopes that you can't do anything,it might be possible that people will reject you.

Blogpost #5: Science of Rejection

Did you know that when you get rejected it can possibly give a heart attack quickly? Have ever noticed that when you get rejected, it can also damage to your brain? Base on my observation, negative emotions by rejected by others have the ability to let you die early because of depression. When you get the feeling of distressed, it's either you use alcohol or drugs to escape the depression inside of you.

I remember the time back in my freshmen college life that I've been rejected by friends of how am I going to a conversation with them and got ignored about what am I going to say. I also experience unreplied messages or so-called "seen zone" on facebook, it's really disappointing me that waiting for a reply and get the result of unreplied message.  I remember that I had a chat with my blockmates judged me directly through facebook and I got this "traumatic" situation that I didn't sleep on the rest of the after being judged.

When I got this traumatic issue after being rejected by someone, I read this articale called "The Science Behing Why Rejection Hurts So Much" by Hannah Loewentheil. On this article, it tells you that how will rejection can affect to your mind and your body.

According to Loewentheil "In fact, stress cardiomyopathy is the name of condition when heart muscles are weakened because of extreme stress."

It explains that when a person is broken hearted, it can give him/her an emotional stress by rejection and it can affects to his/her heart by weakening it.  Most of us need to be socialized by someone because we need to survive in our life not only food and water.

According to Loewentheil, "Humans are social creatures: not only do we enjoy the company of others, but our ability to survive and reproduce throughout history has been dependant upon being part of the group."

I read another called "Why Great Ideas Get Rejected" by David Burkus. On this article, It tells the history of rejection on Igor Stavinsky who got unappreciated by his audience on his ballet play. It also that there four people divided into two groups of how they behave when they get criticized and rejected.

According to Burkus, "Regardless of how open-minded people are,they experience subtle bias against ideas when faced with uncertain situations."

It explains that people are now judgemental because they face of what they don't like. For example, not everyone appreciated the music video called "Judas" by Lady Gaga because christians find it offensive to them because of they thought that Lady Gaga was making fun of Jesus but the lyrics tells that to love the people you hate, so Lady Gaga made an example between Jesus and Judas that they must forgive Judas for being the most hated person.

Burkus also said that, "Thus, try leading clients toward your idea with a series of statements they agree with and pitching your idea as if it's theirs."

It explains that try to follow up the people's ideas on which is not offensive or which is interesting to them because if your creativity or your topic is offensive or boring, it might possible to get rejection.

I remember that after being rejected by others on the conversation that I feel like being unappreciated of become who I am and I know if you have the same situation you will feel that also,too. When I got rejected and after got experienced by that, the only I can do is to remain silence because if you keep on talking and forcing them to be in a group, the more rejection you will receive and it's going to get worse. Being an outcast wasn't so easy because sometimes you see all your classmates or your friends are taking pictures to each other and posting it on facebook, it feels like you've been abandoned by them.

If you have this situation, I suggest that try not to show your insecurities with them because the more you show your insecurities with them, the more they will give you more rejection. For example, I used to be envy with my blockmates that they're posted that they're to going to have a party night without me and when I saw them, I forced them to let me in the party but they refused to let me in because I wasn't invited and I got depressed after being uninvited to a party.

I remember also that my professor didn't approve my artwork because it was offensive and trashy looking.  When I got home, I got this deep depression and I cried for having a low grade marks and I feel like to give up on arts but I didn't because my dad told me that not to give up because failure can also be learned and wondered of which details you made I mistake. When I got recovered on this pain, I made an effort to improve my work until I get the right thing and when I finished my work, I submitted it to my professor and got a high grade. The bottom line about my story is that, when you make a mistake try to improve it because each mistakes can be learned and I found out that a great man comes first from the mistake.

Blogpost #4: Kakorrhaphiophobia (Fear of Rejection)

What is the meaning of "fear" to us? If you want to ask your crush on a prom date, are you shy to ask him/her? Why people tend to be shy? On my personal observation there's a reason why people tend to be shy, he/she is probably shy because he/she has a fear of rejection or we can call it "Kakorrhaphiophobia."

I remember when I started in college that I'm really the most quiet person in the whole class because I'm not really comfortable in talking with someone else because I feel so suspicious with them and I had a hard time socializing. There's a reason why I'm not comfortable talking to them because I fear that I'm going to be rejected to them. I remember also that another reason why I'm not confident to talk to them because when I was in high school, I'm part of the "loser" type that no one wants to talk to me and they judged me back in my teenage life.

Another article I read that was called "Phobias: The irationale behind irrational fears" by Dean Burnett. On this article, it talks about that people get easily scared without a reason. It also talks about there are three possible types that people had: Specific Phobias, Social Phobias and Agoraphobia. According to Dean Burnett " The fear of rejection or judgement from others is a powerful force for humans; much how we think and behave is calibrated around the views and behaviours of others," it explains that if we behave that others don't like, they will start to reject or judge you of what you are and it gives us emotional pain. He also said that " How do we even develop a fear that is by definition irrational? One explanation is classical conditioning; you experience something bad involving a thing,you associate with that thing, then you become afraid of that thing," it explains that we used to believe on what scares our the most will conquers us. For example, I experienced to get rejected by my crush and a year later I had another crush and I was thinking to talk to her but I am now afraid to approach to her because of what I experienced in past and I'm trying to avoid of being rejected.

Another article that read is "Our fear of rejection" by Zam Perrion.This article talks about men are now losing confidence to women because of their fear of rejection. It also talks about the reasons why woman rejected men. According to Zen Perrion that "The truth is, the fear of rejection is ingrained all of us, including her." It explains that both male and female can also have fear of rejections and it tells you that you cannot control one person if he/she has also fear of rejection or you cannot control him/her if he/she have probems on his/her personal life.

On my comment that what am I going to say after I read these two articles. There are advantage and disadvantge that Marc Chernoff said that "Rejection is necessary a medicine; it teaches you how to reject relationships and opportunities that aren't gonna work." The advantage of what he said is that you have to understand also why people reject you and try to ask yourself that why they rejected you or did you do something to them because the more you understand them, the more you will gain more approvals for them. The disadvantage this is that you can be part of the people who rejected you and you might hurt him/her. For example, a person greets you in a weird way, I suggest that try to greet back instead of turning back on him/her or  greet back and tell him/her nicely that try to greet properly.

 Another thing if you want to overcome the fear of rejection is to "be yourself" as always because if anyone characterizes you of who you are not, they will give more rejection. Try to look Miley Cyrus right before and now (the picture on the left), she had changed the way she behaved and how she dressed because in her teenage life, she was judged and rejected by others that she must be like this and she did everything just to overcome her fear also but it didn't work and she was still rejecting by others through internet because she let anyone characterized her. If you can't find yourself,then try to ask yourself of "who am I?" and don't think too much when people rejected you.

Blogpost #3: Friend zone: the new rejection

Have you ever experienced this kind of relationship that you want to confess your feelings to your crush and he/she just responded to be "friends" ? or  have you feel that your crush treats you like best friends? According to my observation, being part of this so-called "friend zone", which was used to be call "busted" or "basted" by your crush,  are now being used on the internet like 9gag, facebook and other sites of which where "friend zoned" found.  There are so many reasons why your crush just treated you as friend and we all have that problem after being "Friend-zoned" by your crush. I also experienced that my be

Three years ago,  I was at the computer shop surfing something on facebook and I decided to send a message for crush that I like her (look at the picture on the left). After I sent her a message, she thanked me and said to me that she just want to be friends. There's a reason why I wasn't chosen to be her boyfriend because she has another crush to someone and she was not interested on me. After I confessed everything to her, I feel like being rejected because it might appreciated but it's frsutrating because it was like being disapproved on job interview to be a role as her romantic relationship.

I read this article called "The truth behind friend zone" by Michele Knight, this article talks about that the author made an experiment there are two part participants which is a boy and a girl who have been friends for a long time. The author asked them what do makes them attracted to each other and they observed to each other why they just want be "just friends". According to the author "Just because two people are attracted to each other doesn't mean that they will become couple" it explains that they like each other because they like about their personality but it doesn't mean that they are interested to each other. For example, I have a friend who has been very nice to me and I like the way she treat me but it doesn't mean that I'm attracted to her.

I read another article called "Nice guy syndrome and The friend zone" by Alisse Desrosiers. This article tells you about the reasons why women like to date more guys who are more "a**holes" (sorry for the word) than the nice guys. According to the author that "Nice guys are arrongant, egotistical, selfish douche bags who around telling the world about they're the perfect boyfriend and they're just so nice" it explains that he has been so angry because all the nice guy person are just pretending to be a good guys just to impress their crush and the reason why girls chose the guys who are "a**holes" more than nice guys because the "a**holes" are true from themselves than the nice guys.

After I read these articles, what I learned about is that maybe because I was pretending to be as a character of which I am not just to impress my crush so it's my fault that I was really not into being myself. On my opinion, not all being self doesn't mean that your crush will fall inlove with you, there are some others that a boy and a girl knew each other on their personality and yet they're still friends because it's either they don't want to lose friendship or they're just friends because they treat each other like siblings. In order you to avoid being part of "friend zoned" is to follow my rules:

1) You don't have to be a nice guy just to impress your crush, the only way to make your relationship rise to your crush is to "be yourself"

2) Give him/her some space because it will get obvious that you're getting attached to her

3) Don't be so needy because your crush might feel irritated by you

4)Just chill

5) Lastly, let him/her think about you because the more you get mystery about yourself, the more your crush will rise up your relationship with him/her

If these tips won't work well, keep trying to follow these steps.

Blogpost #2: Social Rejection

Have you ever feel that you wanted to talk to someone on the cliques in school but no one reponded your topics? or how does it feel like being ignored by someone after you want to start a conversation? I've been observing this for a long time and it seems that being part of the "end-conversation zone" is like you don't belong with them. After being rejected on the conversation, you will get the result of depression,misbehaved,unappreciated and emotionally pain. 

Based on my experience, I've been though this pain since when I started in high school.  Back in my high school life, I forced the cliques or the "cool kids" to let me in the conversation because I wanted to be also the part of them but all they did just ignore me and walked away. I feel like being left unappreciated and I ended up to hate myself and to give up. When I became a college student, I managed to make friends but they didn't like me because they said that I'm boring and a pessmistic person or so called "emo". Everytime I talk to them on facebook, they will just see my message and ignore of what I'm telling to them or I can call it "seen zoned".

I read two articles about making  The first article is "How social rejection is experienced"by Rebecca Fraser-Thrill. In this article, it talks about there are three stages of depression. The first stage is "The immediate stage",  the author tells you that "When social rejection first occurs,tweens usually sharp physical pain."It explains that pain will affect your self-esteem, belonging, meaningful existence and control. The second stage is "The coping stage", it tells you that "If the social persists, the rejected tween moves into the coping or relective stage of rejection." It explains that if the rejection still continues, it can cause depression and emotionally pain. As the result this will end up to misbehave and give lack of social interaction for the society.Finally the third stage is "The long-term", the article tells you that if you keep on misbehaving , the more people will mistreat you.

The second that I read is "Study illuminates the pain of social rejection" by Ethan Kross who said that "Physical pain and intense feelings of social rejection hurt in the same way..." In this article, it tells you that rejection can be also affect to your mental health and will get active to the brain by the cause of distress and depression. The researcher made an experient by recruiting people who have experienced rejection or unwanted break-ups for their relationship. They showed a picture about their ex-partner and how the participants will behave. After the experiment, it shows that the mental health can get worse than physical pain.

According to Ethan Kross that "The study demonstrates the region of the brain that become active in response of painful sensory are activated during the intense of experiences of social rejection" I exactly agree with this quote because sometimes it's hard to concentrate on the present if your mind is active inside your brain thinking about why people rejected you in the conversation or why people don't like my personality. I think because I'm still not not used to talk to anyone and I'm still trying to improve my social skills but I suggest that you need to improve how you talk to others and how you behave. Rejection is like a mistakes, you learn from it. In order you to remove the pain  this might be helpful for you to overcome the pain after being rejected: If you still have a depression and an emotional pain, the best way to relieve is exercise because it can concentrates your mental health and it gives you the fast heartbeat to remove all the pain. After you excercise, write something what you did today like you just got home from the mall and you bought something that will make you happy or the best way is to talk to your parents and ask them for your help to solve your problems. Most of all, don't hate yourself because it can get more rejection and it can get worse. You're not the only person who have been rejected, there so many people have been rejected also so why don't look up and think of something that will make you happy and just smile.