Blogpost #4: Kakorrhaphiophobia (Fear of Rejection)

What is the meaning of "fear" to us? If you want to ask your crush on a prom date, are you shy to ask him/her? Why people tend to be shy? On my personal observation there's a reason why people tend to be shy, he/she is probably shy because he/she has a fear of rejection or we can call it "Kakorrhaphiophobia."

I remember when I started in college that I'm really the most quiet person in the whole class because I'm not really comfortable in talking with someone else because I feel so suspicious with them and I had a hard time socializing. There's a reason why I'm not comfortable talking to them because I fear that I'm going to be rejected to them. I remember also that another reason why I'm not confident to talk to them because when I was in high school, I'm part of the "loser" type that no one wants to talk to me and they judged me back in my teenage life.

Another article I read that was called "Phobias: The irationale behind irrational fears" by Dean Burnett. On this article, it talks about that people get easily scared without a reason. It also talks about there are three possible types that people had: Specific Phobias, Social Phobias and Agoraphobia. According to Dean Burnett " The fear of rejection or judgement from others is a powerful force for humans; much how we think and behave is calibrated around the views and behaviours of others," it explains that if we behave that others don't like, they will start to reject or judge you of what you are and it gives us emotional pain. He also said that " How do we even develop a fear that is by definition irrational? One explanation is classical conditioning; you experience something bad involving a thing,you associate with that thing, then you become afraid of that thing," it explains that we used to believe on what scares our the most will conquers us. For example, I experienced to get rejected by my crush and a year later I had another crush and I was thinking to talk to her but I am now afraid to approach to her because of what I experienced in past and I'm trying to avoid of being rejected.

Another article that read is "Our fear of rejection" by Zam Perrion.This article talks about men are now losing confidence to women because of their fear of rejection. It also talks about the reasons why woman rejected men. According to Zen Perrion that "The truth is, the fear of rejection is ingrained all of us, including her." It explains that both male and female can also have fear of rejections and it tells you that you cannot control one person if he/she has also fear of rejection or you cannot control him/her if he/she have probems on his/her personal life.

On my comment that what am I going to say after I read these two articles. There are advantage and disadvantge that Marc Chernoff said that "Rejection is necessary a medicine; it teaches you how to reject relationships and opportunities that aren't gonna work." The advantage of what he said is that you have to understand also why people reject you and try to ask yourself that why they rejected you or did you do something to them because the more you understand them, the more you will gain more approvals for them. The disadvantage this is that you can be part of the people who rejected you and you might hurt him/her. For example, a person greets you in a weird way, I suggest that try to greet back instead of turning back on him/her or  greet back and tell him/her nicely that try to greet properly.

 Another thing if you want to overcome the fear of rejection is to "be yourself" as always because if anyone characterizes you of who you are not, they will give more rejection. Try to look Miley Cyrus right before and now (the picture on the left), she had changed the way she behaved and how she dressed because in her teenage life, she was judged and rejected by others that she must be like this and she did everything just to overcome her fear also but it didn't work and she was still rejecting by others through internet because she let anyone characterized her. If you can't find yourself,then try to ask yourself of "who am I?" and don't think too much when people rejected you.